Vulnerable
by InnocentxSorrow
Summary: How much Mikan means to Natsume. How Natsume is vulnerable to Mikan. Drabble. Have you ever wondered how many people would actually mourn and cry for you? How many people actually stay true to you? How many people actually care? Hyuuga Natsume has.


**A/N:** Ahaha, my first Gakuen Alice fanfic. Somewhat pointless, certainly plotless and quite angsty. :D Very short too, because I split it into two chapters for some reason. Not that I've written the second part yet. XD I had difficulties deciding on the title, so I thought…why not split it into chapters and name the chapters instead? Hehe. This was supposed to be Natsume's birthday fic, but, as you may see, I didn't make it in time, being the fat lazy potato I am.

This will probably have a lot of mistakes. I didn't read it over more than like, thirty times, as I usually do. XD

Oh and I have no idea why I named this **Vulnerable**. I don't think it even has anything to do with this…except…maybe Natsume is extremely vulnerable to Mikan? XD

I got really depressed because my PRS (Philosophy Religion Study or something) teacher said, whilst we were discussing destruction, the first line of this story – People often relate destruction to fire. We were supposed to bring in pictures of destruction, and a lot of people brought in photographs of bombs, explosions, fires, missiles and stuff.

And I thought about poor Natsume…almost everyone is afraid of him and thinks he's so vicious and such…when he was giving his everything to protect his classmates. T.T

Well, enough of my blabbing! This author's note is almost as long as the story. XD

**Disclaimer: I ****do not**** own Gakuen Alice or the song lyrics I may use. **

**Note:** The author is suffering from severe mental illness. Please support her and show that you care by reviewing. Sharing is caring!

**Summary: **How much Mikan means to Natsume. How Natsume is vulnerable to Mikan. [Drabble. Have you ever wondered how many people would actually mourn and cry for you? How many people actually stay true to you? How many people actually care? Hyuuga Natsume has.

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_People often relate destruction to __**fire**_

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Have you ever wondered how many people would mourn for you?

If you were **killed**, if you **died** – how many people would cry for you?

Sometimes, do you ever wonder – how many people actually _care_? How many people actually stay _true_ to you, and are not just trying to please you?

Hyuuga Natsume has.

And it surprises even himself. He never thought he was the type to care about these things – no, actually, he always was someone like that. He'd just been too afraid to admit it to himself.

Because caring so much about death was a sign of weakness. Yet, he still couldn't stop himself from thinking these trembling thoughts. He despised being lonely - the feeling of utter loneliness, when all that you've ever cared about disappears, when everyone who mattered leaves. When everyone else forgets you slowly and you're left behind, all by yourself. Left behind with a pile of faded memories. Left behind with all the unbearable pain and sadness. Left behind drowning in your tears.

The only one left to behold the burden.

He was so, so afraid of that feeling, and he'd already had – way more than enough – a taste of it. The pain was unbearable – even the mere thought of loneliness sent, ironically, a fire burning through his body, _scorching_, forcing tears into his eyes. Natsume wanted so badly to let down his cold facade, to let other people have a chance to be friends with him, _stay with him_.

But over time, he'd learnt that it was impossible. He was cursed – it was his fate, his destiny, and there was no use trying to run away from it. Whomever he tried to befriend would just turn into another handicap, a person who would surely get hurt because of him.

So slowly, but surely, he began to build up a freezing, cold, giant barricade around his heart, so that no one could see through.

**So no one would be able to let even the tiniest of feelings waver within him.**

Natsume locked away all the emotions he adored – happiness, warmth, trust, innocence and _love_. For he knew nothing good would ever grow from such weak feelings. Trusting anyone besides Ruka and himself was, to him, the most irrelevant and deficient thing he could ever possible do. He would only get hurt in the end, and he didn't want to feel so strong a pain anymore.

But then, Sakura Mikan came and destroyed all his efforts to stay cold and aloof.

At first Mikan disgusted him – she was so disgustingly cheerful, disgustingly happy _all the time_. She was so stupid, never using her mind to think before taking action or speaking. No matter how many bad things happened to her, she would still smile. Natsume thought she was weak, showing her emotions like that, letting people get to…_know_ her like that. She was so dumb, so stupid, so naive, so _pure_, so _innocent_.

However, Natsume was horrified to admit – he found that he actually **envied** her. That was beyond reasoning – what was so good about such a weak girl?

**She wasn't weak at all.**

Mikan was actually stronger than Natsume himself – she, unlike him, was able to put trust into the people around her. She, unlike him, was able to smile through all her troubled times. She, unlike him, was brave enough to share her problems, to seek help. She, unlike him, was not afraid of letting other people know her true self, because she was so simple, so pristine, so beautifully _pure_ to even THINK that people would possibly hurt her. She, unlike him, had the rare, blessing ability to make people happy – how Natsume craved such prowess…He longed to make the people he cared about safe, to protect them, to make them blithe.

And he knew, he always knew, with fear and a sense of foreboding that his envy for her was gradually turning into full-blown admiration.

He wished he could be as carefree as her. It was probably jealousy that attracted Natsume to Mikan, and he began developing the will to stay beside her.

Slowly, this girl began melting away his heart of ice. She melted away his insecurities and graced him with that wonderful feeling of peace. She taught him to believe. She made him smile more than he ever imagined he possibly could. She made him remember all those warm feelings; rediscovered those emotions that he had locked away ever since the day he was accused of destroying his entire village. Emotions he thought he was never going to feel anymore. And, at the risk of sounding clichéd…she gave him life. She lighted up his sky. His cold, bleak, _dark_ sky.

Sakura Mikan became a huge part of Hyuuga Natsume. No, it didn't happen in a single day. It was something more beautiful, more amazing, more…indescribable. It was a long, gradual process – the breakdown of Natsume's facade.

And a new feeling started to blossom, deep within Natsume. He was afraid of that feeling, for, even though it was the first time he has ever felt it, he knew almost exactly, precisely what it was.

Love.

He was scared of that feeling too. It was foreign. But he was scared of loneliness even more. So he indulged in that warm, bright ocean of affection.

Hyuuga Natsume didn't know a feeling so pretty, so beautiful, so heartwarming could turn around and bite you so sharp, so hard, so fierce.

He didn't know it could hurt. He didn't know one thing always led to another. He didn't know love always led to something else.

Pain.

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_The day__ I__**met**__ you, my life__changed__.   
The way you make me __**feel **__is too hard to __explain__.   
You make me __smile__ in a special kind of __**way**__.   
You make me fall __**deeper**__ for you,__ everyday.__   
__And__ when I look into your __eyes__, I know it's __**true  
**__- there's __**no one else**__ in the world for me but __you_

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Well? How did you like it? Thanks for reading, and please review! I'll upload the second part soon. I hope. :D I know it's somewhat repetitive…and it has a LOT of mistakes too. Ahh I love angst. And Natsume. -tear-


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